So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
