I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
