1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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