He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
