I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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