some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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