if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
