i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
