I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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