He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
