I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
