respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
