i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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