nut hugger
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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