I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
