your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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