Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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