So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
