so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
