that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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