I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
