i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
