He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
