I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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