it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
