When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
