I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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