I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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