just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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