I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
