We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
