I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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