He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
