hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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