I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
