So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
