recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
