Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
