I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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