We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
did i just pee glitter
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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