And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
