I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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