GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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