I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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