This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
