It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
