Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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