I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Come on in and take your pants off
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