She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
