under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
