There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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