I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So squirting runs in the family.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
its liver damage thursday
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
