what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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