I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
