I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The air taste purple.
Randomize
