last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize