Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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