nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
only you would photoshop your dick
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
