I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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