the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
