i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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