I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
