Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
