I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When are your genitals available?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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