the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
