dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
