Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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