Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
