i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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