So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
