Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
