Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
