I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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