i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
