he thought i was a dude.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
