the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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