It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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