i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
