I cut my penus on the lid.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
